Tuesday, January 26, 2010


For the last two years I have been lost in a haze of infertility induced self pity.  Actually, it has been honest to goodness depression, but sometimes it's hard for me to distinguish between depression and self pity.  For some reason, about a week ago I was inspired to begin my gratitude journal again and it has been an eye opening experience.  Every night, right before bed, I open my journal and write down 5 things that I am grateful for today.  That has been hard for me.  Even though I am, by all accounts, very blessed, it's been hard to think of 5 different and specific things to feel gratitude for.  Genuine, toe tingling, universe appreciating gratitude used to come to me naturally and often.  I used to fall asleep fantasizing about all the wonderful things in my life and all of the amazing things to come.  During this first week of my new gratitude documenting experiment I have learned that it is a habit of mine to obsess as I fall asleep about everything that is wrong in my life.  Now it is a challenge to not only think of 5 things to be grateful for, but to keep my mind in an appreciative place as I drift off to sleep.  I feel good about keeping the journal, even though I think my darling husband would rather the light went off a little sooner than it actually does.  I have also noticed that in the past week it is becoming easier for me to come up with my 5 things.  My hope is that the renewed focus on being grateful for what I have will snowball into a more positive minded approach to living. Something I've been lacking for the last 26 months.  Give or take.

Here are some things I am grateful for today:
1) My gym membership.(and the fact that I use it).
2) I got a CVS advisory panel survey today and earned 5 ECBs in just about 5 minutes. 
3) Husband came home for lunch and we had a nice time chatting together without tvs or computers distracting us.
4) I have a loaf of whole wheat bread rising on the stove.
and last but certainly not least...
5) White Collar is on tonight.  ;-)

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